Pantsless in Mexico
"I guess the moral of my story is always wear pants in Mexico." -Corey, on stories you only want to hear the end to
View ArticleLazy Handicapped Guy
Paul: Dude, you're lazy. Joe: I prefer the term "motivationally challenged." -On a lot of thinking for a lazy person
View ArticleDistracted By Ice Cream Truck
"I don't know I mean, her and I were.... (pauses to listen) ...I'm sorry I thought I heard the ice cream truck." -Corey, on possible relationship downfalls
View ArticleFarting in a Crowd
Tyler: Wow, look at all those people. Joe: You know what's good about being in a group of that many people? You could stand there and fart all day long and nobody would be able to pin it on you. -On...
View ArticleGas Station Pickup Lines
Joe: Just stop at a gas station and call me back and tell me what one you're at and we will come to you. Matt: Where? Joe: Once you get off the exit, just stop at a gas station on Route 1 and then call...
View ArticleIllegal Sex Moves
"I'd do things to her that aren't even legal in this, or any other country, except for maybe Amsterdam, which isn't a country, but a lot of shit goes down there." -Joe, on centers of debauchery
View ArticleShark Week Facts of Life
Matt: Dude, sharks don't have limbs that they can grab stuff with like us humans do. Joe: No, really? Cuz I swear I just saw a shark that had an arm where it's dorsal fin should be. Matt: Fuck you, I...
View ArticleRainforest Preservation in a Nutshell
Matt: I gotta do some short answers then we'll go. Wanna help me? Joe: Whats the question? Matt: Describe the sequence of problems associated with tropical rainforest destruction. Be as detailed as...
View ArticleSmartest Friend in the Group
"Wow, it's tough being the smartest guy in our circle. Of course it helps that all of our friends are retarded." -Joe, on the dolphin in a sea of sharks
View ArticleTruck Candy Business Mind
Merik: I don't know, I guess I'll just buy an old box truck and throw candy in the back of it, that's how I'll make a living. Joe: Yeah, because handing out candy from trucks and vans has always been a...
View ArticleSofa Cuddling Position
Cali: Why don't you just lay behind me? Joe: Because, this is my part of the couch. Besides I like your head on my chest, keeps my arm from dying. Plus, bonus, there is salt on my shirt from the chips...
View ArticleStrip Club for Dinner
Cali: So those are the places that we could go eat. Where do you wanna go? Joe: I don't care. Cali: Cmon, make a decision. Joe: Strip club. Cali: A strip club was not an option. Joe: A strip club is...
View ArticleCowboys and Rubgians
"I'll be honest. Then and even now, I still feel like kicking that guy's ass. I don't care that he plays rugby... I play cowboy." -Joe, taking matters West
View ArticleAlternate Form of Gaming Payment
Eric: This is a game store right? GameStop Guy: Uhhhh, yeah. Eric: Well how about this. How about I buy a bunch of games, but instead of paying you in money, I pay you in tales of adventure. GameStop...
View ArticleMake Love, Not Sense
"I don't make sense. I make love." -Paul, campaigning on the confusion tip
View ArticleValentine's Day Dinner
Joe (on the phone): Dinner on Valentine's Day is at 6 so plan accordingly. Cali: Dress up? Joe: If you don't then it would be weird. Cali: Am I coming down there to you? Joe: Yes, and no more...
View ArticleBea Arthur vs. Betty White
Mike: Are you going to be at the bar tonight? I have a wonderful idea I want to share with you. Joe: I was thinking no, but I've been known to change my mind. Does your idea involve naked pictures of...
View ArticleHand Cannon Gun
Paul: I've never heard a gun called a hand cannon before. Joe: Huh. I've got a hand cannon. Paul: Right. Joe: No for real. I mean yeah it takes my hand to make it work but I can hit a pair of tits from...
View ArticleHardwood Floor Over the Lake
Joe: You know we've been laying a hardwood floor at work right? So last night I had this dream that I was laying hardwood floor, but I was putting it over a lake, like I had to cover the whole lake....
View ArticleWe Want Prenup, WE WANT PRENUP
Matt: If I ever get married, I'm asking her to sign a prenup. No way some chick is getting half my shit if it don't work out. Joe: Hell yeah. Matt: I hate when they are like, "A prenup? What, you think...
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